The Man, The Myth, The Legend

Why do I always feel like I am doing everything wrong. You say Im not but I still feel I am..

Why?

I love you so much..that...it worries me. I dont know what to think..

You are perfect to me...in everyway. And I dont want to be wrong..

So God. Please help me...I need to be perfect for her...please....

You win. You win.

I give up trying to be something I apparently cant be.

I try to be me, be young, and be fun.

But apparently Im not suppose to be that, Im suppose to be boring, working, and lonely.

So i give. You win god. Thanks for making me realize this now.

I adore you.

everything about you.

You are the most perfect thing that I have ever seen.

Sitting beside me. Kissing me. Holding me.

Those are the things I live for.

Thank you for being my everything Kirsty.

I love you so much. Forever.

And Ever.

<3

Is what you are.

You mean the world to me...
everything I have.
everything I need.
everything I want.

I am so glad to have met you, to have gotten to know you.

To have Kissed you when I really wasnt suppose to.

To have loved you from the day I met you.

You were always the one I wanted. I just had to go through hell to get to you..

But if I had the chance to do it again.....

I'd do it every day.

I love you more than anything I have ever known.

thank you for being my friend, my girlfriend, my love.

my angel.





<3 I love you.
Happy three month!

Yea. shit pisses me off. But I can just sit here in her room. Look at her and smile. And then my life is ok. I love her so much. she doesnt understand how much.


And i want her to marry me soooo much.

Yeap.

Im sooooo fucking happy!

But at the same time so fucking pissed.


Im happy because I have the girl of my dreams all to myself. I love her so much. And she loves me. Its like a fantasy...I am so happy.

But Im pissed cause of the Knox family. Im pissed at the oldest for being a lying backstabbing piece of shit. And Im pissed at the young one for being a lying whore. So yea. FUCK YOU TWO.

Thank you.



I LOVE YOU KIRSTY. YOU MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME!!!!!

im so worried. please god...i really need you.

Is it gods plan to keep me down?

first off I hurt someone I care about.
Then I finally fall in love...and get hurt twice.
Then I stay in love and hurt them.
Then I think Im in love again.
Hurt that person.
get a second chance.
And apparently fuck up.

What the hell....im just deciding that i am going to give up. Im not meant to be happy..

after a fucking grueling road I think I'm finally at a place I can say I am happy at. Not to say the road was fun and full of joy, but it wasn't truly happy. There is only one person who will read this who I honestly care about. Amber thanks for always being there through thick and thin. I love you. you are one of my best friends. the rest, whatever y'all don't compare to shit to Amber anymore. Nor do I really care about you. Ive given up on a few of you, you know who you are and so from here I am saying goodbye. I tried being friends and what not, but Ive learned that it is just impossible with you. I know y'all(yes multiple) will probably talk shit about me behind my back, but I dont care honestly. Go ahead...cause I know what the truth is. And that is all that matters.

I love kirsty. I know I do, I had doubts at first but after realizing that I have always had some feelings, I realized that i was in fact, in love with her. Ive never felt this way before. I give everything I have, only to get the same back. And It means so much to me that I could cry. I am so happy I could cry when I am with her, but then can turn around and cry because she isnt with me. Everything I do is for her, and I want it to stay this way. I truly want to marry her. I know that may sound wierd coming from the guy that said true love doesnt exist, you cant find love in high school, etc. But yea kids. Its holden saying it and I truly believe it. So I just want to say that Kirsty is my ANGEL and will always be.


I love her.
-Holden..

Im doing being nice. Im done being playful. Im done being me.

Im just going to do 2 things in life now.

Work and love kirsty.

thats it...ive tried to much and im not getting anything back but bullshit and hate. so fuck it. fuck you. fuck all....

Yea. Sometimes its a bitch. Sometimes its great. But it doesnt matter anymore. Ducky doesnt get loved. Cupid doesnt either. They help others get loved. They just give up and dont expect anything. So I will sit here alone..again..and just be happy for those that can be happy.

Fine. Ill be the bigger person and say...yes....Im still pissed. I still am mad. I am still a person who doesnt deserve anything. But...Im sorry. Im sorry for being a "dick asshole.." i do want to be your friend and always be there for you. I just am tired of the drama that is involved with people. I take back everything Ive said. There.Whether or not we move on is your choice...but I said Im sorry.

I am just happy. Lol. No if ands or buts about it. Just happy. Im in the perfect place right now. I have a awesome job that I love and get to work with peole I am close to, I have the best friends in the world who are always there to hang with and be chill, and I have a perfect relationship. Im with someone who I care more about than anything. And I am just happy.

I dont have much on my mind. Just one word sums it all up.


Worry.




Fuck.

Happyness. Its all Ive had recently. And its the greatest thing ever. I love being able to know someone is going to smile when they see me. I love being able to kiss someone on the cheek and watch them smile. Being able to be teased by them. Its great. I love being able to just hangout with someone, someone more than a friend. Someone I would give the world to if it would make them happy. I love it.

I love campfires. Sitting around them with friends. Talking about the dumbest shit ever. Laughing at jokes. Singing songs. Kissing. Everything. Then getting to go inside. And falling asleep. Its just great.

I love turning 18. Getting money. And getting to buy things for the one person I care most about. Even if she doesnt like me to buy things. I am just happy I have the ability to do so.

So I just want to say Juli. I love you. I know you have a little problem saying it because of the past. But I have no problem with it. I love you. I know I do. And I can wait if I have to. <3333333

So. Yes. I am happy again. Ive got someone who cares about me. And doesnt think about other people. But Im not going to get into all that. Im just happy. Simple and perfect. And it seems that things are only getting better. I cant wait till this weekend. It should be great. And very romantic. Lol. Me, Ashley, Fire, Music. Awesome. No truth or dare though. No more gay shit.


Anyway. Im happy and that is all that matters. PEACE.

*sneeze* *cough* *sniffle*

Yeap. That is me. Sick. But am totally happy. Because though I may be sick...what made me that way was totally worth it. Sure I had to stay outside in the cold, windy, air for a few hours. But I got to stay with 2 people I care more about than anything. My girlfriend, and my bestfriend. It was tottaly worth getting sick over. Juli looked very cute walking up to strangers asking for sponserships. And then running back smiling that someone did it. Then going to her house and sitting with her watching Flavor Flav's show. That stupid ass show. Lol. Watching Juli drink wine and being goofy. Today was a great day. And Im glad that it happened. Wouldnt have had it any other way.

<3 Wondurrwall.

Fuck the world. FUCK "friends" Fuck everything. Im done trying to be nice, and sweet and everything. Im done. I cant take it anymore.

Juli if you read this. I am NO WAY mad at you. you did nothing. I love ya...and you know that. Im just VERY pissed. So <3.........

-Fuck.


-Wondurrwall.

So today was probably one of the worst days I have had. I just...wish today didnt happen. I AM happy that I got to see Juli...and see her smile. And kiss and hug her. But just some things pissed me off.

a) my friend telling someone things I "said" which just REALLY pissed me off. things that either werent fuly true, were exaggerated, or were just something I didnt want out. So that wa just the beginning.

b) RYAN pissed me off BADLY today. Putting his hands all over Juli, joking or not, it REALLY pissed me off. Im not the jealous type......but for some reason his CONSTANT "joking" REALLY struck a nerve. Considering he is Bi which means he still likes women...that is just bothering me a little. I know I have nothing to worry about..its just.....getting annoying. So if he does it again...Im going to have to talk to him.

So. yea. today = not a great day.

Other than seeing Julis beautiful face. I love you Juli.

<33333

So I am starting to think alot. Think alot about different things. Love, friends, life after highschool. Things like that. I just got off the phone with the recruiter from the Air Force. Seems like a nice guy. And of course I know he doesnt really care about me....but that he just wants to get me in the army. But I have a meeting with him Monday. I have seriously been thinking about it. I need to do something. Some education.

And Love. I am so happy I found someone who cares for me. I know I had that in the past. But I wasnt happy. Happy with the person, happy with the life, happy with myself. But now that is in the past. I've got someone who I am completely happy with. There is nothing wrong. Nothing that bothers me or anything. And I love her.

And friends. Over the past few days I have been thinking deeply about some of my friends. I think that they are slowly starting to wither away and just be people I say hey to every now and then. And I am happy. I am starting to see a trend of friends falling in love and getting girlfriends and boyfriends. And seeing that they are happy....makes me smile and makes the day worth it.

But...truly the best part of the day....everyday...is seeing Juli. Getting to know that right after this class I get to hug and kiss her. Makes any class worth going through. Her goofy little smirks, her little pout faces (cute when she is made) her little "OH" face. Makes me smile and laugh. Its worth it. And I am so happy that I get to feel this everyday.

<3 I love you. <3